


A Disease

by Nelliandreph



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23687092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelliandreph/pseuds/Nelliandreph
Summary: Kathryn can't stop thinking about her conversation with Harry Kim. "Have you ever been in love, Captain?"
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Comments: 18
Kudos: 71





	A Disease

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the episode The Disease. Italics are taken directly from either that episode or from The Dark Frontier. Enjoy!

“Computer, time?” Kathryn asked the darkness.

“The time is 0337.”

Kathryn sighed and rolled onto her back. It had been over a week since they’d left the Varro’s generational ship behind, but she couldn’t seem to escape Harry Kim’s words.

_Have you ever been in love, Captain?_

Of course, she’d been in love. She’d been in love many times—or, at least, she thought she had. A childhood crush, high school sweethearts. She’d fallen in and out of love during her Academy days almost as often as she’d fallen in and out of beds. And then there was Mark. Had she loved him? Truly loved him? Loved him like she loved now?

_Did your skin ever flush when you were near another person?_

Staff meetings, parties, games of velocity, Astrometrics, standing in the green-tinged darkness of Cargo Bay Two, arguments and conversations. Yes, her skin had flushed. It was flushing now.

_Did your stomach ever feel like someone hollowed it out with a knife when you were apart?_

So hollow that you were willing to risk your life, the lives of your crew, to get her back. To rescue her from the Borg. Rescue her from herself. Kathryn had told her that she wouldn’t leave without her. But she had. She’d turned and fled. She hadn’t tried harder to reason with her. Maybe if she had, maybe if she’d told her how she felt, a rescue mission wouldn’t have been necessary at all. Yes, her stomach had been hollowed out, but Kathryn had been the one holding the knife.

_Did your throat ever swell when you realised it was over?_

Over? It had never begun, never could begin. But still her throat swelled, her eyes burned, her head throbbed with it.

And then… Then he’d had the audacity to mention her name.

_Seven of Nine…_

Her heart had seemed to stop in that moment. Kathryn had thought for a second that they were talking about herself, not Harry and Derran Tal. She’d thought he was calling her out. Worried her secret was laid bare for all to see.

 _Seven of Nine told me love’s a disease_.

It was these words more than the others that echoed around her head, keeping her from sleeping.

 _Love’s a disease_. And no one would want to be diseased, infected. Seven certainly wouldn’t accept such a thing. Would never consent to…

To what? What did she want?

More.

She wanted more. More than she had. More than she had any right to.

Kathryn got up, giving up on sleep and pulling on her Starfleet sweats. Perhaps a walk would help to calm her mind. Maybe when she got back, she’d be tired enough to fall into the sleep she so desperately craved.

* * *

“Regeneration cycle incomplete.”

Seven’s eyes snapped open. This was the fourth time this week that she’d been jolted from regeneration. Her internal chronometer told her it was 0337. She’d barely managed two hours. It wasn’t enough. Her skin tingled uncomfortably, her implants ached, and her nanoprobes were only just working within acceptable parameters. If her regeneration continued to be interrupted, she knew she’d have to visit the Doctor. She’d have to tell him what was wrong. Have to tell him she was in love.

Or, she thought she was.

But this wasn’t the love that Harry Kim felt for Derran Tal. That love had been a source of strength. It had been reciprocated. This love, Seven’s love, was truly a disease. It ate away at her, slowly tearing her insides to pieces.

There had been a glimmer of hope, weeks ago now, when she’d been called back to the Borg. _I’m not leaving without you_. Seven had thought, truly believed in that moment, that her love was returned. But then Kathryn had left and Seven knew what it was to feel simultaneous relief and heartache. Relief because Kathryn was safe. Heartache because Seven knew she wasn’t worth saving.

But Kathryn _had_ saved her. She’d come back. And again, there had been hope. Until Naomi Wildman had told her that a captain never leaves a member of crew behind.

The glimmer faded, blinked out.

Seven left her alcove. A walk might help. Might make it possible to regenerate when she returned.

She left the cargo bay, a single thought swimming through her mind: Why is my love a disease?

* * *

They were both lost in their thoughts when they bumped into each other. Literally.

Both of them turned a corner and walked smack into the other person. Their legs tangled as they toppled and, suddenly, Seven was on top of Kathryn. Seven had barely managed to catch herself on her elbows. Their faces were inches apart.

And they just stared at each other, neither sure what to say, what to do. Neither willing to break the moment.

But Kathryn soon realised that, though her skin was flushed and her heart was pounding, her legs were starting to go numb.

“Seven?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“You’re crushing me.”

Kathryn saw her eyes widen, saw her cheeks flush as Seven seemed to come back to herself. Seven hurriedly untangled herself and stood, offering Kathryn a hand to her feet. A hand she gladly accepted.

“Can’t sleep either?” Kathryn asked.

“I have been unable to regenerate properly for a few days now.”

“I know the feeling.”

Neither spoke for a moment, both desperately searching for something to say that wasn’t “I love you.”

“What is keeping you from sleeping?” Seven asked eventually.

“Just something Harry Kim asked me.”

“Elaborate.” Seven caught herself. “Please.”

“He asked me if I’d ever been in love.”

“That does not seem like an appropriate topic of conversation,” Seven said, quirking her optical implant in the way that made Kathryn’s stomach tighten.

“It wasn’t.”

Kathryn moved closer to Seven, her feet on autopilot.

“And what did you tell him?” Seven asked, her voice low.

Their eyes were locked, neither of them willing to look away. Tension filled the dimly-lit corridor, pulling them closer.

“I didn’t answer him. Couldn’t answer him.”

“Why?”

Kathryn ignored the question. “And then he told me that you said love was a disease.”

“I was mistaken.” Seven voice was little more than a whisper now.

“Oh?”

“I have since learnt that only unrequited love resembles a disease.”

“And who is it that you love?” Kathryn asked, shocked at her own boldness. “Who could possibly not love you in return?”

“You, Kathryn.”

“Then it’s not a disease,” Kathryn said before closing the distance between them and pulling Seven’s face to her own.

The kiss was sweet, chaste. It made each of them sing with warmth, with life, with hope. It was a kiss between two exhausted people, finally at peace.


End file.
